


I Tried

by MiaGhost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: (A little.), (Sort of.), Accidental Bonding, Angel Bonds, Angelic Grace, Angels Becoming Humans, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bonding, Castiel in the Bunker, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gabriel in the Bunker, Gabriel's Grace has a Mind of Its Own, Grace Bonds, Grace as an Almost Separate Entity, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Insecure Gabriel, Jealous Gabriel, Loyal Sam, M/M, One Shot, Team Free Will, exhausted Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 18:38:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10882653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaGhost/pseuds/MiaGhost
Summary: Gabriel's Grace has a mind of its own and does what it likes. He's always let it run a little wild, like a semi-trained puppy.But now that freedom has caused something idiotic and potentially self-destructive.His Grace has latched onto his feelings for Sam and created a Bond offer, something Gabriel can't take back unless Sam offends the offered Grace.He hasn't told Sam yet. He has so few options to fix this, and he's picked the easiest. Even if he sort of wishes he didn't have to.





	I Tried

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N): Hey Guys!  
> Yupp, it's another Sabriel One Shot. Because I can't help myself.  
> This one is a little rough around the edges, and I might re-write it at some point.  
> But we all love a good Grace Bond every now and then, eh?  
> Happy Reading!

~.~

Gabriel's Grace had a will of its own, and every fibre of that will wanted _Sam_. He'd been restraining it since it first became apparent, keeping it under lock and key for month upon month and shovelling any and all impulse to the contrary aside.

Oh, he and Sam were still… a _thing_ , or whatever, but what his Grace wanted…

What his Grace wanted, Gabriel wanted too.

What his Grace wanted, Gabriel could never ask of Sam.

So when he realised, waking slowly and happily in Sam's arms as was the norm now, that somehow his Grace had found a wormhole in his defences and burrowed through, Gabriel was aghast. It was so huge, so monumentally _stupid_ and self-endangering that he just couldn't believe he'd managed to dupe himself.

And he had to do something about it fast. If Sam committed, if Sam registered and acknowledged Gabriel's… mistake, there'd be nothing anyone could do. And he wouldn't allow that. He couldn't.

An accidental bond could prove disastrous. _Would_ prove disastrous.

His Grace ached every second now to be wrapped around Sam. It was so much more acute than a physical pain, so much deeper, sharper, hungrier than any wound he could receive from any weapon.

He couldn't put that on Sam's shoulders, not after everything. No way.

And he couldn't simply undo the first step of a bond, couldn't just erase what he'd done.

So the only options left were for either Sam to die - and _fuck no_ was Gabriel's single thought on that, - or Sam had to do something to offend the existing Grace of Gabriel's on his skin and Soul, and the offered bond would be retracted.

Now, there was no way Sam was going to just up and attack Gabriel, nor were their fights so volatile that they'd end them. Not even in the beginning, when he'd been actively provoking Sam, had he managed to turn the Winchester truly against him. He had no chance now, with Sam having worked his way right into the very core of Gabriel's favour.

So basically, as much as the thought hurt him even to consider, Gabriel had to get Sam laid.

By someone who wasn't him.

Which was why Saturday night found him curled alone on the sofa in one of the war rooms in the bunker, relieved that Dean and Castiel were out on a long-haul hunt. Sam had been finishing up something with the lore - Gabriel was never sure why he still bothered reading and translating and organising now that they had an _archangel_ on side, - and had elected to stay home, unwilling to abandon it for the week or so the case could take.

Gabriel was only half sure it was an honest, face-value decision. The long-standing tension between Dean and the youngest angel was stronger still, and Gabriel spent a lot of his free time trying to find ways to push them together. They'd been gone four days already, and as comfortable as Gabriel had become with the odd little pseudo-family, he was relieved to have some space again.

Dean had predictably been the most opposed to his joining them upon his resurrection, but Gabriel had expected a cold shunning from all of them, at least for a while. Castiel had changed so much since Gabriel had last had the pleasure of his company, a small fraction of his Grace somehow stolen and abused by Metatron to torment the younger, eager-eyed angel.

But he'd been surprised to find Castiel throwing his arms around him in a fond manner, to see the corner of Dean's mouth twitch up and to hear Sam's sudden laugh. He was the odd-one-out for a while, but Sam and Castiel made allowances and offered him countless opportunity to be one of them, and Dean hadn't held out for long.

It had taken a surprisingly short amount of time for the forgotten chemistry between himself and Sam to resurface, for their banter to take on the flirtatious edge it had way back before they knew he was an angel. Dean would probably never be thrilled about it, but at least he'd long since let go of his discomfort.

Gabriel squirmed in his seat as his Grace stirred at the thoughts of Sam. It was a sensation Gabriel was still not used to. It felt foreign and uncertain, and Gabriel had been around for long enough to know that such a thing wasn't to be ignored. His Grace had recognised a kinship in Sam early on, of course, and it was part of the reason he favoured the younger Winchester.

In his uncountable years of existence, not much had ever _truly_ frightened Gabriel. But he had met few creatures who caught the focus of his Grace, let alone enchanted it the way Sam did. It had gone from a secure and strong part of him, much like his wings or his hands or his words, which he'd always had dominion over. To have it acting on its own was unsettling, while still, somehow, being kind of pleasant.

Of all the creatures he'd ever met, Sam would be the one he chose anyway. It just sort of ticked him off that his Grace had jumped his hold and done it for him, and in such a permanent way.

There was no breaking a bond once it was formed to completion. It was why so few were made.

His Grace whined like a youngling, moping because Sam wasn't there. It was unhappy with him, sulking like his stomach would, after he'd eaten nothing but sugar for days. The idea of what he'd done made him feel unclean. But he'd _had_ to. It would solve the whole problem with minimal hassle, and then Gabriel would keep a much closer eye on himself from now on.

While trying to convince himself he didn't care that Sam would be sleeping in the bed of some other that night, a stranger. Sam had fallen out with him before leaving, something else that weighed heavily on Gabriel's mind. Unable to explain why he'd asked way he had, Gabriel had turned defensive and snarked back instead, and they'd gotten so far off topic they'd ended the argument on Gabriel's recklessness on hunts.

Sam had left in a storm, his jacket whipping out as he threw the door closed behind him. Despite the sound-proofing Gabriel had heard him head to the garage, listened sorrowfully to the growl of an engine.

And now it was well past midnight and Gabriel was alone and feeling melancholy and wondering if he'd feel it when it happened or if his Grace would stay tied to Sam until he came home and he could smell someone else on him. He rolled to his feet, stretching up to try and shift some of the irritability that had hung on him since he'd discovered what he'd done.

Was it weak that all he wanted was to be wrapped up in bed with Sam, surrounded by his smell and the heat from his skin?

Yeah, probably. He used to hate himself for it, but now he'd come to terms with it. He wanted Sam and Sam wanted him and for whatever reason they had found a way to work. He'd take what he could get, and he'd stick around as long as Sam wanted him. But the longer he was around him, the harder it was to hide how much of a hold the hunter had on him and how low he had the capability to bring him, if he chose.

Sam's room, now unofficially their room, smelled comfortable and inviting and Gabriel fell into the bed easily, caving to the urge. He crawled up, tugging the sprawl of blankets over himself. For a second Sam was there too, and Gabriel groaned out loud at himself as he opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling in the darkness.

At this very moment, where was Sam? He'd determined that he wouldn't think of it like that, but he broke even his own rules. Sam would be at a bar, or maybe even in a club by now. He wasn't a heavy drinker, but he'd be that pleasant sort of mellow that made Gabriel smile, the sort of mellow that melted away the stress of hunting and apocalypses and everything else. He'd been wearing a blue and navy plaid shirt over dark jeans when he left, the shirt that was soft and worn but presentable in a way his others weren't.

Sam could go out wearing that, and he'd roll his sleeves up in that habit of his and he'd achieve a sort of beauty that most people couldn't accomplish without ball gowns and snappy evening wear. He'd be avoiding the dance floor, of course, hovering around the bar and smiling sweetly and politely like he always did.

Gabriel wondered whether Sam would choose a woman or a man, or whether he would care. And then he had to force himself to stop thinking about it, because there was a burning, jealous sickness in his abdomen as he thought of Sam being led home by some guy who thought he could have his way with him. Who _would_ have his way with him.

Gabriel coiled himself tighter and wished he wasn't so susceptible to the human side of his nature.

It wasn't much longer before his Grace stirred and woke him from the mindless daydream he'd drifted into, shaking his system alight with a tickle of adrenaline. His awareness was picking up someone nearby. It took a fraction of a second to check the warding was untouched, and to reach out, and he relaxed instantly. His Grace gave a joyous call to his blood.

 _Sam_.

And then he was in the garage already, watching the secret tunnel door slide open with a soft whir as the Mustang rolled into the bay. The expression on Sam's face told him that now was not a good time to turn the blue monstrosity into a replica of the Kitt car like he might normally. The joke tread on old, not-so-stable ground for them, but it never failed to make the corner of Sam's mouth smile, and that was why Gabriel did it. But now was probably not a time when his humour would be appreciated.

Sam looked at him through the glass of the windshield, and despite how exhausted he looked, his eyes lit up. Gabriel tried not to think about where Sam had been, focusing instead on how warm his eyes were becoming simply from being _home_.

"Hey, Gabe. You didn't need to come out." Sam said when he opened the car door, and Gabriel braced himself for the scent of perfume, or unfamiliar cologne. His Grace flickered apprehensively.

"You're home." he greeted, and he knew he sounded weird, torn between irritated and overjoyed. It was a confusing concoction, for sure.

"Yeah." Sam answered wearily, locking the car door and tossing the keys across the land on an old desk nearby.

They both knew Dean would gripe about it, but neither cared. Gabriel looked up at Sam, and although he could smell the sour scent of old beer and the smoky, recognisable smell of _bar_ , Sam was free of unfamiliar cologne or perfume, mostly. Gabriel was torn between immeasurable relief and mild irritation.

_Why hadn't he found someone?_

"Didn't expect you so early." he tried, watching the man carefully as he followed him through the garage.

Sam's shoulders were hunched up towards his ears and he seemed… _off_. Gabriel didn't like it, all sorts of fears rising to the surface inn a confusing jumble. Had Sam found someone after all? Had something happened? Why was Sam so tense? Why did he look so… despondent?

"Wasn't much of a night. Slim pickings." Sam answered tightly.

"Oh."

"Mhm. I think I need a shower now."

Gabriel's Grace paused, curious, dreading and anticipating a wound. Despite how relieved he was the bond would be retracted, Gabriel felt a little wounded himself at the thought that Sam had…

Wait. No, he hadn't. His Grace reached out tentative, probing fingers, and Gabriel knew without doubt as soon as it relaxed again. Sam hadn't done anything the bond would be offended by. Gabriel could growl in frustration. He let the door to the garage bang closed behind him as he followed Sam through halls towards the main heart of the bunker.

"No-one take your fancy?"

Sam passed, and then he turned to look at Gabriel.

"Yeah, um. Her name was Suzie. Can I go now?"

Gabriel frowned, irked that Sam would lie to him. The confusing mix he'd been feeling all day was finally reaching a head. He just wanted it to be broken so that he could go back to being curled up with Sam and enjoying everything his company offered, from warm nights to quiet afternoons in the library and excitable, heated debates over breakfast.

"Suzie." he repeated doubtfully, watching Sam's clouded eyes carefully.

"Suzie." Sam confirmed.

But he was avoiding Gabriel's gaze as he strode along the hallways, and Gabriel didn't need his Grace to read the man.

"You didn't pick up anyone."

Sam stopped, turning in surprise before realising he'd been tricked into looking. He looked uneasy, a little pale. Part of Gabriel wondered if he was becoming ill. He hated it when Sam was ill, especially considering the Winchesters denied his offers to heal him. The only thing that made it bearable for Gabriel to submit was that Sam at least didn't let Castiel help him out either.

"What? Yes I did."

Gabriel shook his head, simultaneously annoyed, relieved and disappointed. It made his words sharp when he answered.

"No you didn't, Samshine. Admit it. You struck out."

"I didn't." Sam's voice had taken on a wounded, defensive edge.

Gabriel wished he wasn't feeling so hot-headed, even as he let it choose his words.

"You didn't. You went out with one goal and you failed. You didn't pick up _anyone_."

"I _did_." Sam snapped, feeling irritation twist to anger to try and burn away the trickled guilt and uncomfortable _ache_ for more.

"You _can't_ have!" Gabriel exclaimed hotly at last, his Grace rebelling and ruffling and crying out to be soothed.

Sam shot him a disbelieving, indignant glare.

"You have _no_ -"

"I can _feel_ it!" Gabriel cried over him, the sound very much like a moan as the walls organising his words grew thinner still.

He looked at Sam with eyes full of oceans, crashing anger, dousing demand, his curiosity a small wave engulfed by something akin to _desperation_. It had Sam's heart pounding without him knowing why.

"I know you didn't, I can- my Grace…"

Sam's expression crumpled into guilt and he looked away.

"I couldn't." he answered by accident, "I didn't-"

Sam cut his own words off and took a sharp breath, unable not to meet Gabriel's eyes even as he was dragging them away, down to Gabriel's feet. Somehow the sight of socks fed the ache more fuel, and Sam wished he could just brush this whole thing off and go back to where they'd been yesterday, when he'd woken in his room with an armful of Gabriel just like most mornings now.

Like Sam wanted every morning.

"I _don't_ ," he corrected quietly, when he was confident his hushed voice wouldn't shake, "want to…" he paused and his hands moved without permission in the air as he tried to find the words, "Look, I know that there isn't a name on whatever… _us_ is right now and I'm behind that, I am, but I- I don't want to… _cheat_ , or whatever."

He looked up at Gabriel balefully, eyes exhausted and so heavy that Gabriel's chest hurt.

"I only want- when…"

Sam stopped with a sharp, self-deprecating breath as he looked away. He ran one hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face in a way that had always made Gabriel feel odd and vulnerable inside. He longed to step up close and let his own hand follow Sam's, wanted to forget everything and fall into Sam the way they had that first time, when a single hushed conversation with their heads close together somehow stumbled into a kiss.

Sam looked like he wanted that too, and it only bolstered Gabriel's Grace. It cried out to be let free. Gabriel had to look away from those eyes, or they'd damn him. Sam's voice started again, secret-soft and hushed like prayer, _just_ for his ears.

"When it's you, Gabriel, for however long it's you, I want it…" He drew a breath and forced it out in one brave swoop, "I want it just to be _you_."

The words were more of a commitment than they'd ever really talked about. Gabriel's Grace pawed at his restraint, straining to flow and envelope Sam.

"Sam…"

Gabriel's voice was ghostly and sort of shaky, a sound Sam didn't think he'd ever heard before. It made his heart lurch, made him want to just scoop the shorter guy up and hug him close and keep him _safe_ , which was a totally ridiculous notion when one considered Gabriel _ever_ being in need of safety. He was reckless and wild and entirely able to take care of himself. He still had powers, for Christ's sake, making him more likely to protect Sam than the other way around. But still there it was, a part of Sam that wanted to.

"I'm sorry." he murmured, reaching up to rub uncomfortably at the back of his neck as he tried to force himself to look at Gabriel, "I did try. But…"

He shrugged awkwardly, unable to think of anything to add that he hadn't said already. He was tired and worn out and he just wanted to fall into bed already, hopefully with Gabriel coiled beside him. Maybe watch something on the laptop before falling asleep. It was pretty chick-flicky and Dean would laugh his ass off if he found out, but it was all Sam wanted. Maybe nobody would ever guess it, but a large part of Sam wanted just that.

Chick-flick. Happiness. _Gabriel_.

But for some secretive reason, Gabriel wanted him to go off and be with someone else for the night. And Sam didn't get the feeling that it was something Gabriel actually liked the thought of, which had been a part of the reason Sam couldn't face doing so. He knew there were couples out there who enjoyed stuff like that. Sam wasn't really one of them. He was perfectly happy belonging to one person and having one person belong to him in return, but he had supposed that if it was something Gabriel was into then he could try. But now, as Sam looked at him, Gabriel didn't seem _into it_ at all.

In fact, Gabriel looked pretty upset.

"Gabe?" Sam asked softly, reaching out to touch the other man's cheek.

Gabriel turned his face away a little, but he seemed to stop himself before he could move away completely. Sam watched him, wondering why the angel looked so… confused? Frightened? _Desperate_.

"Look, I'm sorry." he added quietly, "I... If it's something you really want I…" he stopped and drew back his hand to run it through his hair again.

He didn't want to. He _really_ didn't want to. But he wanted Gabriel to be happy. He wanted to be enough for him, for a creature who had lived for millennia and seen things Sam could only ever dream of. If it meant bending his own moral code, then maybe…

"For however long it's me." Gabriel murmured, looking at Sam with a wary carefulness in his gaze that made Sam worried.

Sam frowned, wondering why that was what Gabriel had chosen to focus on. He didn't want to go near the expiry date on their… _relationship_. He knew that at some point Gabriel would get restless, like he did with most things, and he was okay with that. He didn't expect forever from him and he wouldn't ask for it. They were friends, and allies, and when the day came that Gabriel wanted to let whatever else they were go, Sam wanted to still be able to call them friends. Even if it stung like a bitch.

"Yeah." he said, feeling vaguely puzzled.

Gabriel looked away, busying himself with the buttons on his sleeve. Sam waited, watching.

"How long will it be me?" Gabriel asked eventually without looking back up, in a voice perfectly neutral and bland.

Like he was asking about the weather. Sam didn't want to have this conversation so soon. He wanted a little longer, a year if he could get it. Two, three. Winchesters had no luck. He wanted as long as he could get. Fuck, he wanted _forever_. But saying so was a totally different thing. Despite knowing Gabriel was now a fully-fledged member of Team Free Will, doubt surfaced at the thought of allowing Gabriel to know how badly Sam had fallen for him. Sam quashed it as best he could.

"As long as it can be, I guess."

"You guess." Gabriel repeated flatly, his brow dropping a little.

"I don't know what is you're wanting me to say right now." Sam returned, a little stung.

"Whatever's true." Gabriel replied quietly, instead of what half-heated snark Sam had been expecting.

Sam gave him a long, appraising look. Gabriel was fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves, his gaze wandering over his hands but staying clear of Sam. He looked flighty. Nervous, maybe. Agitated about something for sure. Sam had the fun task of figuring out what. Awesome.

"Here's what's true." Sam answered slowly, "I'm tired and I need a shower and I'm going to bed and I want-"

Gabriel was watching him all of a sudden, his eyes golden-green and patient as Sam's words faltered.

"What do you want, Sam?"

Sam sighed, and as he did his whole body gave up the fight. His shoulders dropped and he turned away from Gabriel to make his way through to the showers. He could hear Gabriel following after him but he didn't turn back. He wasn't ready for this conversation. He'd hoped he had more time before it happened. He wished Gabriel would just come out with it, tear the bandaid off. It was cruel to send Sam out to find a replacement, or whatever that had been, instead of just talking to him.

Gabriel caught his wrist as he reached the door to the shower room, and Sam swallowed the aggrieved sound in his throat as he turned to raise an eyebrow at him. Gabriel was unruffled by his gaze, keeping hold of Sam's sleeve as he cocked his head a little and looked up at him.

"What is it you want, Sam?"

"You'll need to be specific, Gabe." Sam answered hollowly, "Right now it's a shower."

Gabriel's brow crinkled into an unamused frown, just as Sam expected. He tried to smile, but he was sure it was falling flat.

"From me, then. What you want from me. What do you want from _this_ , Sam?"

Sam tried to look away. He did. But Gabriel's eyes were looking up at him, completely free of trickery and full of other things, things that made Sam want him, things that Sam had always loved. There was a sweetness in his expression, even under the uncomfortable frown. Sam bent down and pressed an admittedly soft kiss against Gabriel's mouth, eyes fluttering shut as the familiar warmth spread through his chest at the touch.

"I told you," he said without drawing away, their noses brushing in a way that made Sam weak inside, "I want _you_. All of you, or as much as you'll give me. For as long as you'll let me."

He drew away then, and when he moved his arm Gabriel let go. He pushed his hair back from his face and gave Gabriel a tired smile.

"Even though you drive me crazy." he added fondly before he disappeared into the shower room, leaving Gabriel standing in the hallway feeling something a little like despair and a lot like hope.

When Sam stepped into the hallway later, towelling the water from his hair, Gabriel was nowhere to be seen. Sam tried not to let himself feel disappointed. After all, he'd known it would happen sooner or later. He'd just been hoping on later. A _lot_ later. The corridor and bedrooms were dark, and Sam didn't bother with lights. He knew his way in the dark, used to restless nights wandering on his own or with Gabriel, with the lights off to let his brother sleep.

He slipped into his room and dropped the towel on the floor near the door to be dealt with in the morning. He yawned as he passed his desk, trailing his fingers along the wooden edge. Papers whispered and shifted under his touch. He paused, debating sitting down and doing some work. He decided against it, determined to take advantage of the relaxing effects of his shower. Especially if this feeling of finality was going to hang around. He didn't want to be awake to think of it.

Their end.

Sam felt sick. He felt more fragile inside than he'd expected when this whole thing had started. _How_ it had started he wasn't even sure, an old chemistry re-lit by joint goals and having each other's back in a fight. Sam had let himself fall into it, _knowing_ there would be an end. He'd never expected forever. He'd never asked for it.

It hurt to realise that he'd _hoped_ for it anyway.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, the same side he always slept on. He tried not to think of the other half as Gabriel's side, but it was difficult not to. He knew when the final break between them eventually came, that would probably be the hardest habit to shift; thinking of a particular part of the room as belonging to the archangel. He dropped back atop the mattress with a sigh, closing his eyes and staring at the black behind his eyelids.

If he'd gone through with it tonight, if he'd gone home with someone who wasn't his snarky, quick-witted and infuriating Archangelic friend, would he be lying in bed right then feeling better than he was now?

Or would he feel as unfulfilled as he had feared he would, knowing that to be with anyone but Gabriel was… Well, at that point a lie? Sure, things might change, but for a long time, since well before they'd truly fallen together, Gabriel had pretty much become _it_. Their journey had been long and at times torturous, but where they had gotten to was worth it. Sam knew it was. He knew how hard he was going to take Gabriel's inevitable departure. He knew, even if he couldn't even comprehend how it would hurt, he knew.

"Your brain is loud." came a hushed voice from beside him, and Sam really should have jumped higher than he did.

"I knew you listened in. You liar." Sam answered mildly, opening his eyes even though he couldn't see, turning his head to the side.

"I don't." Gabriel rebuffed, and Sam could feel him shifting, "But your voice is louder than most because my Grace wants to listen to it."

"That so." Sam answered, feeling the pull to reach for Gabriel, "Why mine?"

Gabriel gave a long-suffering sigh that made Sam chuckle, and he shuffled closer.

"Because it likes yours best, obviously."

Sam hummed, and Gabriel groaned. Sam could just _feel_ him rolling his eyes.

"And they say you're the smart one. How you two ever saved the world is astounding."

Sam grinned despite himself. Everything in the air was tainted by the inevitable, but Sam couldn't stop it, the way he felt. His heart cried out with the want to pull Gabriel in.

"And yet here we are, apocalypse averted yet again."

"Like I said," came Gabriel's amused tone, "astounding."

And then his head was pressed against the round of Sam's shoulder and Sam had moved his arm without thought, draping it round the smaller figure. Gabriel made a soft, pleasant sound and moved closer, dropping his head squarely against Sam's chest.

"Hey." Sam said, when they'd settled against each other once more.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry about tonight." Sam said, even though he didn't want to, "If it's something you want, I can try again. I could do it, if you wanted me to."

And he would, even if the thought made him feel nauseous. If it kept Gabriel interested, kept him happy and with Sam, then it was worth it.

"It's alright, Sam." Gabriel answered quietly, "I'd rather you didn't."

"Gabe…" Sam trailed off, unable to voice the fear in his heart even though it would be the quickest route to wherever they were headed.

There was a moment of silence between them. Sam's heart was stuttering. He swallowed and closed his eyes, hating the heated balloon rising in his throat.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" Sam answered, blinking hard and staring up through the dark as he held his breath.

"What if as long as it was me was… a long time?"

Sam's heart tripped over its next beat.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"Would that make you happy?"

Sam squeezed the arm holding Gabriel close, turning his face to lay a kiss on the crown of his head.

"Yeah."

" _Yeah_?"

"Yes, _yeah_. That would make me happy."

"Well, what if it was… What if it wasn't just while you were down here?"

Sam frowned, pausing his hand where it had begun to stroke at Gabriel's hair without thinking.

"Down here?"

Gabriel huffed a breath and wriggled a little, but then his nose tucked against Sam's neck and his arm wound over his chest.

"What if it wasn't just for when you were on Earth. What if it still was when you go to Heaven?"

"You mean if it was still _you_ once I'm dead." Sam clarified.

There was a long pause before Gabriel whispered a ' _yes_ ' against Sam's neck. Sam's heart began to race as he realised what Gabriel was asking him.

"You want to know if I want you forever." he asked, fearing the truth was showing in his voice but afraid not to ask in case-

In case it could be possible.

"That's the short and sweet of it, yeah." Gabriel answered, and his tone was laced with a discomfort and defensiveness that made Sam's heart sing, because-

_What he'd hoped was happening really was._

"Well that's a stupid question." Sam replied with a chuckle as giddiness swept him, tipping his face down and ducking to where he thought Gabriel's face to be, "Obviously I do."

Confusing Sam still further, Gabriel tensed up, clenching his jaw where it rested against Sam's clavicle for a moment, before speaking through his teeth in a low and careful tone.

"It's not simple, you know, it's- Sam, there's a permanence to it. I can't just say yeah, and then when you get bored just say _oh well._ It…"

He trailed off, but Sam turned his body a little further around to face him, eyes just catching a glint from _something_ , and Gabriel could feel it thrum from him.

_Surprise, amusement, fondness. Disbelief._

_Commitment._

And his favourite, the one that made his Grace begin this whole mess in the first place; _Adoration_.

"I hardly think I'll ever get bored, Gabe." Sam told him in an amused tone, shifting so that their faces were closer on the pillow, "Have you met you?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes but he was pleased nonetheless. Thrilled, in fact. He dug his fingers into the collar of Sam's pyjama shirt and used it to pull them closer together.

"When an Angel says forever, Sam, it's the most literal sense of the word. We… Our Grace bonds to the Soul we've chosen. You'll never be able to escape me, not completely. It's not 100 years, it's not a millennia. It's a length of time older than the Earth, older than your Milky Way or anything else you could possibly conceive. It's till the End of Time, and beyond it, Sam. You can't fathom how long that is."

Sam paused, and Gabriel was both relieved and disheartened to sense the surprise and faint trepidation coming from him. Such a thing required real thought, proper contemplation, and that was exactly what Gabriel needed Sam to do. He'd never forgive himself if he loosed his Grace on Sam before the hunter had truly reached a decision.

His Grace was singing with the possibility though, something he'd spent so long telling himself he couldn't have, but if Sam-

He couldn't ask it of him. He knew he couldn't, and that he shouldn't expect it and when he took into consideration all their history, the things Gabriel had done… Dreadful doubt sickened him for a moment, and all the while Sam hesitated, his brain working, his heart, his gut.

Gabriel tried not to hope. It wasn't a be-all and end-all, was it? Sam could still promise him a few years, maybe more. He could offer him as long as he was interested or until someone better came along, someone who would follow Sam to Heaven or not, who could give him what he wanted. All he had to do was turn down the offered bond, and it would dissipate.

"Then I'll have to take notes while I learn how to." Sam suddenly spoke, and it took Gabriel a heartbeat to realise what he'd just been given.

"There's- my Grace wants- Sam, I can't ask you to-"

"To what, Gabriel? Swear myself to you for all eternity? Because-" his fingers curled at the nape of Gabriel's neck and drew his face right up to touch against his, their noses brushing. Sam's eyes were gorgeous in the dark, Gabriel knew without seeing, "I just did. So if you have to perform some magic spell then I suggest you do it now before I fall-"

Gabriel cut him off with a broken little cry, before every inch of Sam's skin was suddenly tingling and warm and soothed, like being bundled in the embrace of some invisible fog, only more substantial. Sam's breath caught as it slid over him, soaked into his skin.

Gabriel's breath was suddenly rapid and shallow, and for a moment Sam thought it was a sign of something awful, until he felt Gabriel shift even closer, their whole bodies aligned as something soft wrapped around Sam's hip. He jerked, hitching a breath as it tightened.

"Gabe? Was that your-"

"Wings." Gabriel breathed, falling still and calm all at once against Sam's chest, "I'm sorry, Sam. I tried to warn you but you- I don't control it when it gets like this. I- Fuck, I hope you meant that." he said, even though he'd known Sam was serious, "Because it's not reversible."

"What isn't, exactly?" Sam queried, nuzzling his nose against the back of Gabriel's nose, pressing a kiss against the skin as the oddly silky-feeling warmth tightened on his hip.

He sounded so _calm_ , so content. Gabriel's Grace sang to him, like a cat purring.

"It's… a bond, of sorts. Like a marriage, but Soul-deep, and there isn't a divorce. Like, ever."

There was a quiet moment as they both weighed it between them.

"Sam, I've… I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I made my own choice here, y'know." Sam chuckled, turning his face to press kisses along the archangel's forehead.

"But if you ever decide that you don't, I… You're tied to me forever, but I won't chase you if you ever want to run."

Sam drew his fingers through Gabriel's hair, a slow and calming habit he'd discovered turned Gabriel to mush pretty quickly. Gabriel gave a quiet hum and tipped his head subtly, allowing Sam to draw his fingertips across the sensitive little spot in the centre of his nape.

"We'll fall out." Sam murmured gently, "And we'll fight and you'll explode and I'll be done with your shit and we'll go God knows how long without talking."

Gabriel listened to the pause, knowing Sam was very likely absolutely right. Sam gave a breathy chuckle once again.

"But we'll fall back in together, you know that. We always do."

Gabriel's Grace rejoiced, rolling out a heavier wave to curl around as much of Sam as it could reach, like a bubble enveloping his form. Sam jumped a little, but Gabriel could feel the delight coiled in the hunter, his Grace humming contentedly to finally be accepted by him. Gabriel's wings stretched and settled contentedly, wrapping Gabriel's hunter up in safety and affection.

"Eternity." he reminded, but they both knew his argument was weak. Sam had made his mind up, and he was in that moment immovable. Gabriel had never loved him more.

"You should know to trust me when I tell you that I've never felt like this before." Sam whispered, baring the soft and vulnerable side of himself that Gabriel could never bring himself to admit he loved.

"I know." he answered, resting his hands flat atop Sam's chest to tuck his chin between them, staring at Sam in the dark even though he could barely make him out.

Sam moved to kiss him, making contact with the tip of Gabriel's nose and making him laugh. His hand moved to return to Gabriel's hair, thumb brushing his temple and the top of his cheek in a vulnerable little gesture. Gabriel kissed his fingertips.

"Good." said Sam, eventually, pulling Gabriel even closer, wrapping the duvet tightly around them both.

It was a long time later, when Gabriel was almost sure Sam was asleep, when he shifted again and his lips ghosted over the shell of Sam's ear. He whispered his own confession, knowing Sam would hear wherever he was, whatever he was dreaming. Gabriel ached to join him there, but they'd come to a promise long ago that Gabriel would only do so with prior permission from Sam, and he'd forgotten to ask. He broke the rule often enough, of course, when Sam was mumbling and tossing, when his aura was troubled. When it was nightmares.

Instead, he contented himself with curling close to his bond-mate and whispering, listening to Sam sleep and watching over him. This loving, broken, scarred and scorched human hunter who was _his_. In his short years he'd never felt for another like he did Gabriel. Coming from a Winchester, it made Gabriel's Grace soar.

_I haven't either, Samsquatch._

~.~


End file.
